That Office Sci-Fi Dork

That Office Sci-Fi Dork

Illustration by J. Andrew World

by Christopher Shawn Jones

 

There’s a man at my work with the indelible quirk
of gravitating where he is least wanted
His head’s like an orb and his mind has absorbed
the trivia that most other minds shunted
He speaks of Star Wars until others it bores
And that Tron is a flick well worth seeing
When asked about tazers, lasers, and phasers
His retort is his reason for being
He talks of scifi with a twinkling eye
Star Trek his conversational aperitif
He knows Spock from his Spork and though he’s a dork
He’ll never turn over a new leaf
He’ll just babble on about Babylon
5 and other shows I’d rather not mention
And though a disbeliever I’d call every receiver
just to beam me up past his attention.

 

Six Disturbing Palindromes

by M.C. McConnell

 

Dog-bard, a wall arose. Soon, a red, nude
man-era stole Gail of deli, and, lo, my tit-net
carts bade, “trap millions’ parts,” but a snag rose
many fits, and I’d reward no cabs. Eve[n]
Eve’s bacon drawer did nastify names, organs,
a tub, straps. No ill-imparted, abstract-entity mold
nailed foliage. Lots are named under a noose’s
oral law–a drab god.
66 words/259 letters

“No, Keep Rod on,” a brute lisps. “I’ll rig a Tulsa siren,
rut an item. Albinos, Mister [B]ret Simson, I blame.
“Tina Turner is a slut,” a girl lisps. “I let urban odor peek on.”
35/123

“Relapse,” he pondered. “No plasma, yet a straw,
Latin egret-sewer [g]rew Ester genital warts, ate yams,”
Al pondered. “Nope, he’s paler.”
22/99

Tia, winepots rub sun as risen. Infinity’s s[a]ssy tin
if nine sirs’ anus burst open. I wait.
17/69

Part Adam, I, Maria, help pins repel a lio[n],
oil a leper’s nipple hair. Am I mad? A trap?
19/63

Sun as Tim or felt tips laminate [w]et animal
spittle from its anus.
13/53

 

Darkness

by Julian Gibson

 

I have summoned the darkness of the sky and of the night,
And the darkness of the shadow when it beckons,
And the darkness of a beast and its beauty.
And the darkness for which wind alone cries the tune.
And the darkness of the hills before the cries of old rekindle.
And the darkness of the enchanted
When its soul flees from its chains.
And I say: For the death
Of what light is it sacrificed?
A scream from its eyes haunts an angel
As silence cloaks its chants:
And we are legends in the testament of the timeless –
Captured by fate.

 

Mrs. Mad Scientist

Mrs. Mad Scientistby Rochelle Mitchell

 

The wife of the mad scientist gets no sympathy
While she holds his test tubes
And heats his Bunsen burners,
She says, “Yes, dear,”
And nods politely,
When listening to her husband’s latest scheme.
She tells herself she should have married the plumber
When her husband locks himself in the basement.
Life would be much simpler
And she would not have to explain to the children
Why Daddy seems to care more
About his Jacob’s ladder than their birthdays.
Then she is left to raise the children alone
After her husband turns himself into a giant reptile,
The neighbors into small furry rodents,
And blows the laboratory to kingdom come,
Yes, she should have married the plumber.

 

The Buffy Bunch

by Johnny Carruthers

To the tune of “The Brady Bunch,” written by Frank DeVol and Sherwood Schwartz.

 

1.
It’s the story of a girl named Buffy,
Who alone was chosen as the Slayer girl.
She would wield her wooden stakes with wild abandon,
Yet not mess up her curls.

It’s the story of her Watcher, Rupert,
Who had journeyed to the Hellmouth on his own.
He was waiting for her arrival,
So he was still alone.

Until the one day when the Slayer met the Watcher,
And they knew that it was much more than a hunch,
That this group would be great slaying vampires.
That’s the way they all became The Buffy Bunch.

The Buffy Bunch!
The Buffy Bunch!
That’s the way they became
The Buffy Bunch!

2.
It’s the story of a guy named Angel,
A vampire living with a Gypsy curse.
When he fell in love with a certain Slayer,
Things went from bad to worse.

Then there’s Xander, Oz, and Cordelia,
And Willow, who assist the Chosen One.
They had no clue what they’d get into,
But thought it might be fun.

On that day they met the Slayer and the Watcher,
They all knew that it was much more than a hunch;
As a group, they’d stand against the Hellmouth,
That’s the way that they became The Buffy Bunch.

The Buffy Bunch!
The Buffy Bunch!
That’s the way they became
The Buffy Bunch!

Buffy Bunch

Illustration by J. Andrew World

 

River of Eyes Going Nowhere

by Joey Froehlich

 

I’m at the
River of eyes
Going nowhere,
I mean,
This is a pretty
Weird crowd.
Some of these
Eyes look
Deader
Than hell.
And that’s
Probably more
Than enough
In this stagnant
River of red
Bloodshot, eyes
Going nowhere.

 

Zombie Love Blues (The Re-Animation)

Zombie Love Blues

Illustration by Bob Snare

by Mike Allen

 

Well I luv yer soft squishy rottin’ face
An’ the way yer flesh droops all over the place
I’d-a kiss ya right to show ya mah luv
If-a only my lips wouldn’ keep fallin’ off
(C’mon bay-bee do th’ Re-An-i-may-shun)

Well I luv yer peelin’ scalp an’ yer putrid charms
When I-a held yer han’ it broke off-a yer arm
I’d-a luv to jump yer bones in the back-a mah car
But I’m afraid my fambly jewels would-a fall apart
(C’mon bay-bee do th’ Re-An-i-may-shun)

To dance with-a you is so dee-vine
It makes all th’ vertebrae pop from my spine
Yer sweet kisses ferment like-a wine
Ain’t nuthin’ like a luv long past its time
(C’mon bay-bee do th’ Re-An-i-may-shun)

 

The Venusians vs. Venice

by Jennifer Mercer

 

The vile verminous creatures,
Arrived in a vast vessel
Vaulting over Il
Lido de Venizia.

The volume of the van chieftain’s
Verve-filled voice vibrating,
Victorious through
The villas of Venice
The velvet-draped vestibules
Virtually violated by this
Viking of vacuum.

His vicious vassals
Vacillating not-at-all
In their vanquishment
Of vintage canals and
Vertiginous statuary.

Vexed visitors evacuated
Vacating gondola for
Vehicles with velocity
Via the vanishing
Vermillion sun.

Verily, O vale of Venice,
The visitors from Venus
Will not vanish like a
Veiled and vaporous vision.

Veto the Viceroys of Venus
Lest the void be vindicated!

 

A Stable Connection

by R. Cleaves

To the tune of “Rainbow Connection,” performed by Kermit the Frog, written by Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher.

 

Why are there so many lost instant memos,
And badly downloaded files?
Firewalls configured and ports we must forward
So people can’t see inside?
Online there’s gold if you manage to reach it
Through all of the iPods for free…
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The hackers, the coders and me.

Who said that every ping would be heard and answered
When sent down your cable line?
Somebody 419s, and someone believes it,
Now spam chokes the mail grapevine…
Warcraft expandeth to suck up our bandwidth
So orcs can grow cute little trees,
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The lamerz, the gamers and me…
Cable or ADSL,
I’m sure it’s a marketing hat trick…

Have you been on the verge of scoring a cyber,
Then dropped out and lost your mate?
Have you successfully completed a torrent?
Well neither have I, to date…
I’ve pinged out too many times to ignore it,
Even when on a T3…
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The flamers, the fanboys and me…

La, da da deee da da daa,
La la la la la dee daa doooooooo…

A Stable Connection

Illustration by J. Andrew World