Come Out and Play (Federation Style)

Come Out and Play

Illustration by Michael D. Pederson

by Rob Balder

To the tune of “Come Out and Play,” performed by The Offspring, written by Dexter Holland

 

(Spoken words in italics)
[Long musical intro]

I wrote this filk for a group of men and women who just
don’t seem to get the amount of respect they deserve.

They’re out there every day, putting their lives on the line,
exploring strange new worlds that try to kill them, seeking
out new life that tries to kill them, and new civilizations
that try to kill them, but they really have an image problem.
I think a tough new theme song is just the thing to help them
shake that wimpy image. This is for Starfleet.

By the time you see em decloak,
It’s already too late.
Got a main hull breach, decks seven and eight.
Yer shields are dead, you can’t compensate.

A crack-shot crew, we’re a long way from home.
Get an itchy trigger finger when you’re out here alone.
Shoot anything that moves in the Neutral Zone.
You gotta light it up, light it up, light it up, light it up HEY!

Man, the Romulans encroach, you take em out.
You gotta keep em Federated.
You see something weird approach, take it out.
You gotta keep em Federated.
HEY! In our Galaxy Class,
We can’t quit now, cause we’re kickin too much ass.
Hey HEY! Come out and PLAY.

[Musical bridge, do Vulcan hand jive]
Let’s see a little of this. Yeah, for the Vulcans in da house.

We met the Borg Collective,
At Wolf 3-5-9.
We had our Prime Directive.
Made an exception this time. [cap-in-their-ass gesture]
The warp core’s hot, so we’ll lay in a course.
With tech like this, who the hell needs The Force?
I’m married to my ship, but she wants a divorce.
You gotta beam me up, Chief. Beam me up. Beam me up, Chief! HEY!

Get the sensors back online, check it out.
You gotta keep em Federated.
Now we’re goin back in time, check it out.
You gotta keep em Federated.
HEY! In our Galaxy Class,
We can’t quit now, cause we’re kickin too much ass.
Hey HEY! Come out and PLAY.

[Musical bridge. More Vulcan hand jive.]

Okay one more time. Put your hands in the air.
Like it would be illogical to care.

We’ll fire all guns and we’ll have us some fun
On the N-C-C-1-7-0-1,
Cause you can’t get the chicks when your phaser’s on stun
You gotta shoot-it-up! Shoot! Shoot-it-up, shoot-it-all-up, HEY!

When the Klingons go berserk, you take em out.
You gotta keep em Federated.
Hey, did I hear a red alert? Take em out.
You gotta keep em Federated!
Hey HEY! You can’t deny,
The captain ain’t whack, he’s pretty fly for a bald guy.
Hey HEY! Come out and PLAY!

Make it so, yo.

 

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