E-mails: 10

by KT Pinto

 

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: wykedwytch, h8u4eva, bludfest98, sh8thpns, downndumpz9, sodafiend4, d-manspaun, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: Please Believe Me!

I don’t know how much time I have, so please read this!

We are all in grave danger! Some things are killing off humans and replacing us with others—only we don’t notice it!

Lately I’ve become aware of subtle changes about my co-workers. Eye color, skin tone, dimples… things I could have always dismissed as my own bad observation skills.

But then I saw them! Little grey creatures with eyes like headlights. At first I thought they were shadows, tricks of my imagination, but then there was that day at work. I was on the night shift with Little John, and he was rambling on and on about his new car, when these creatures attacked him, ripping out his eyes and eating them. They then replaced his prone body with a blue-eyed version and no one, not even he, knew what had just happened! I mean, the kid is oblivious most times, but you think he would notice that his eyes were being torn out of their sockets. Instead he just continued yammering on about how much horsepower his V6 engine had…

Lunchtime’s over! I must get back to work! I’ll keep you posted…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: wykedwytch, h8u4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, downndumpz9, sodafiend4, d-manspaun, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: It Happened Again

This time the victim was that wispy blonde actress at the community theater! Right in the middle of a performance, three of those grey monsters pulled her to the ground and scalped her dead. A red-headed copy took her place. I know actors believe that the show must go on no matter what, but really! They walked through her blood and brains as if the mess wasn’t even there! Half of them, as well as the first three rows of the audience, were splattered with the gore, and no one seemed to realize this but me… did you know that blood actually does taste like copper?

There has to be a way to stop these creatures before one of us is next…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: wykedwytch, h8u4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, downndumpz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: Watch Your Backs!

And your fronts, too!

I thought these monsters couldn’t stoop any lower than killing us all, but now they aren’t even trying to hide their substitutions! Last week Michael (you all may now know him as Michele) was attacked… need I go into the gory details of his painful death?

We were at a strip club, (don’t ask what I was doing there—I’m just that good a friend!), and he was getting a lap dance from a buxom brunette, when out they came: four of those creatures, and one of them was holding a scythe. After such an arousing display from the dancer, it was easy for the creatures to find their target… Talk about a bris gone bad!

Please be careful…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, h8u4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, downndumpz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: Need To Lose Weight?

No one needs a weight loss program the way Kayla from the mega-store just received one! I think the monsters know that I can see them, because this time seven of them dragged the poor girl to the ground, stuck tubes with sharpened ends into her body, and literally sucked the life out of her, chatting all the while over her gut-wrenching screams. It was like they were hanging out at a diner drinking a milkshake rather than slurping tons of fat out of an outrageously large woman.

I swear one of those creatures waved at me as a svelte Kayla stepped to the register and tried to figure out how much change I should get back from $21 for a $16 purchase. You would think they would have improved her brain along with her figure…

Is it obvious that I’m not really upset about her demise? It was tragic, of course, but the girl was so loud and obnoxious, and spent way too much time at my job keeping her eye on her poor boyfriend, that I really can’t find enough grief to feign any sort of emotional display. This thin Kayla seems a whole lot more passive and demure than the large one, but I think there might be dark times ahead for her boyfriend, who couldn’t get a hot number like the new Kayla if he tripped over her… but I digress…

We have to figure out a way to save ourselves…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, h8u4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: They’re Getting Creative

It would be conceited to say that they are now doing their gruesome antics for my benefit, but sometimes I think there could be no other reason.

I was visiting a friend in the hospital, when the beasts grabbed the extremely tall nurse checking his heart monitors and slowly pulled her white clad legs through a meat grinder, splattering blood all over the antiseptic hospital room. It was freaky to see bits of white nylon among the chopped meat, but when I went to comment on it to my friend, I realized that he wasn’t seeing the massacre going on right at the foot of his bed. He just stared up at the ceiling, lamenting that he was missing the last episode of his favorite superhero cartoon. You would think by the way he was bitching about it that he was seven instead of thirty-seven, but that’s the way he normally is when it comes to his superheroes. What isn’t normal is him being so preoccupied that he wouldn’t observe someone getting shredded into dog food!

He didn’t even realize that nurse that took his temperature was now only five feet tall. Not only did I notice that, but I also noticed that she was no longer wearing stockings…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, luvu4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, inferno09, jaded73
Subject: Acknowledgement

I now know for certain that they are aware of me.

I was at work today, gritting my teeth at the moans and whines coming from the crowd of kids in the toy department, when a handful of the grey creatures traipsed past me in single file, each carrying a gleaming knife. The last one in line turned and beckoned to me.

I don’t know what made me decide to follow…

I told Little John (the one with the new blue eyes) I would be right back, then took off for toys. I found the creatures, still in a row, walking silently up to a little red-headed boy who wouldn’t stop whining about a pocket video game he wanted, and neatly cutting his neck in two. They then went up and down the aisles, grabbing the other wailing children and slicing their throats. The blood of the dead filled the toy department like an invisible river, which the unknowing parents idly waded through on their way to appease their pampered striplings. Meanwhile, little replacements sprung up in the dead brats’ places, and I must admit that the new children were much, much quieter…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, luvu4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, inferno09, jade73
Subject: Ring Around the Collar

Have you ever wondered what it was like to see someone hanged? It’s a slow painful process if the neck isn’t broken immediately. The person chokes to death, gagging and clawing at his throat, trying to find some way to release the constriction on his windpipe…

How do I know this? I got to watch it first-hand as the little monsters strung up the guy who sits in front of me at night school, choking the life out of him. Meanwhile his replacement—who by the way has an incredibly deep, husky voice—sat at his desk, ignoring the feet twitching inches above him, and started chatting with me for the first time ever!

Be forewarned: if there’s one thing that ruins a good flirting session, it’s a guy being hanged right above your heads…

We have plans to go out this Friday; hopefully we will both still be the same people we were when we made the plans.

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, luvu4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, campfire09, jade73
Subject: Crazy? Me?

I’m trying not to be, but how else can you see all of the things I’ve seen and still stay sane?

Everywhere I look, replacements are being made. Men, women, children… yes, even pets are not safe from their thirst for blood… which may explain why you sometimes see Rottweilers with names like “Fluffy”…

I don’t know how much more I can take before I snap. I saw at least ten people replaced during my date this past Friday. A couple of men, some women, a handful of kids and three dogs beaten, mangled and slaughtered right in front of the little bistro table where my date and I sat. Next time we’re going to have dinner indoors.

I’m so lucky to have a stable group of friends like you to keep me balanced.

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: blacdeth150
To: gudwytch, luvu4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafriend4, angelkin, campfire09, jade73
Subject: Spectator or Mascot?

While I was watching a set of triplets get turned from identical to fraternal siblings, I wondered why I was being shown the creatures’ talents… what makes me different. Is it just some sort of dumb luck (good, bad or otherwise) that gives me the power to see their handiwork? Or do I have that much of a wicked streak that I am able to see the horrors of another plane? Or am I just crazy? Maybe the stress of dealing with the public every day, 40+ hours a week is making me hallucinate—I’ve heard being inundated with stupidity can affect the mind.

The sad part is that I’m starting to really enjoy the visits I’m getting from these creatures. They are so creative in their methods of torture and murder; it’s fascinating to see. Their acts seemed so random—yet so precise—it was like watching alien artists at work. Their weaponry would make an executioner drool: knives, axes, hammers, spears, daggers, throwing stars, flails, maces, rapiers, swords, ropes… it’s like a game of Clue gone mad. And was there really any harm in what they did? I mean, it’s not like the people disappeared completely… they were still there, just different, usually better.

Sometimes, though, I have this niggling in my brain that I’m not as secure in my position in life as I think I am. I mean, as wonderful as I am, there might be something in me that the creatures might find distasteful. You might talk to me one day, and I may no longer be the cheerful goth girl that you’re speaking to now. I might be bubbly and perky and start wearing—ugh—pink! So, for that reason, I am going to remind you what I look like, so if something does happen to me, you will have written proof that I am no longer me. I’m 5’7″, size 14W, 36DD, black hair, brown eyes, a dimple on each cheek, sultry voice, sarcastic demeanor… you know, your basic goddess on Earth…

Please guys, whatever you do, don’t forget me… promise you’ll save this letter and won’t forget me…

! This e-mail is High Priority
From: newlif150
To: gudwytch, luvu4eva, hugfest98, sh8thpns, hapidayz9, sodafiend4, angelkin, campfire09, jade73
Subject: Too Good to Be True

Can you believe that Slim & Sexy is having a sale on pink and lavender push-up bras? It’s like they knew I needed them! Who’s going to the mall with me!?!

 

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