Sympathy For George Lucas

by Rob Balder

To the tune of “Sympathy for the Devil,” performed by The Rolling Stones, written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

 

Please allow me to introduce myself,
I’m the man behind the scenes.
I brought the greatest science fiction film of all time
To the silver screen.
I was around when farmboy Luke
Met the Death Star, and got away.
Made damn sure that pilot
Used the Force, and saved the day.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.
But what’s puzzlin’ you is why the prequels were so lame.

I thought up Jedis and light sabres,
I gave you Wookiees. I brought you droids.
You spent your teens on my Tattooine,
So you can’t be too annoyed.
If I’m the guy who made Artoo fly,
So much CGI that you want to cry.
I’m just a man doin’ the best I can
To make some movies, and sell some toys.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.
But what’s puzzlin’ you is why the prequels were so lame.
You know this tale is your Holy Grail.
You know every line, every small detail.
It wasn’t I who set the bar too high
That when it came out, it couldn’t fail to fail.
But I watched with glee while you nerds and geeks
Stood in line for weeks for your preview sneaks.
You shouted out, “Who killed the Trilogy?”
When after all, it was Jar-Jar Binks.

Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name.
Is it still puzzlin’ you is why the prequels were so lame?
Let me explain.

Just as every dope is a prodigy,
As every Bard’s a hack,
As genius fails, just call me “Lucasfilm,”
Cause I’m in need of one good smack.
So if ya meet me, have some courtesy,
Shut yer pie hole, and get in line.
Buy all my well-planned merchandise,
Or I’ll make VII, VIII and IX.

I’ll do it, too.
Woo hoo! Woo hoo! Woo hoo!
Now tell me Jar-Jar, what’s my name?
Tell me Windu, what’s my name?
Amidala, what’s my name?
I’ll tell ya one time: you’re to blame.

Sympathy for George Lucas

Illustration by J. Andrew World

 

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