Relish

Relishby Kevin Ginsberg

 

I prayed, “God give me relish, for I have a hotdog, but what good is it with no relish?” I was completely thrown back when I actually received a response. Not in way of a sign or a relish coupon, but an actual response, the voice of God. “Son,” he said to me, “thousands have prayed to me today requesting, begging, even pleading for a hotdog. You, you who are fortunate enough to indulge himself with such a meat has the audacity to bend my ever so demanded upon ear for a condiment?”

I was embarrassed to say the least. I began to think, do I really need the relish? Am I that ungrateful? Is relish really a condiment? I know little things like ketchup and mustard are, but I had no idea that relish was. I mean, I suppose it’s not a fruit or a vegetable, and it does fit in a small plastic packet. Hence, if it comes in a small plastic packet it constitutes a condiment. I begged him for forgiveness and, asked him if I was the most selfish human to wander the earth. God laughed and told me of a time when Telly Savalas prayed for his hair to stop growing so he wouldn’t have to shave it anymore. I laughed, still a bit nervous by the presence of God. He then asked me for a soda telling me, “It’s the least you can do, I created you.” How could I argue with that? God drank his soda and with a flash of light disappeared. By this time my hotdog was cold, and despite what I’ve been told I was really craving some relish. Having nowhere to turn I did what I thought I would never do. I sold my soul to the devil for a packet of relish.

 

New Boy Wonder

by Rob Balder

To to the tune of “Land Down Under,” performed by Men at Work, written by Colin Hey and Ron Stykert.

 

Met a man in a cape and cowl
He was
Six feet tall, dressed like an owl
He stood in the shadows
He made me nervous
He knew my parents from the circus
And he was

On the hunt for the new Boy Wonder
‘Cause…
There’s villains loose, and they plunder
Gotta find what rock they’re under
They better run, they better take cover

Gotham City was in a crime wave
So he
Took me back to see the Bat Cave
That gas he gave me made me sleepy
Guess I found the whole thing a little bit
Creepy
But okay

Guess I’ll be the new Boy Wonder
‘Cause…
There’s villains loose, and they plunder
Gotta find what rock they’re under
They better run, they better take cover

Now we show bad guys what we’re made of
But it’s
Really him they’re all afraid of
He cuts a figure
So dark and edgy
My costume just gives me a wedgie
But oh well

Look out, I’m the new Boy Wonder
‘Cause…
There’s villains loose, and they plunder
Gotta find what rock they’re under
They better run, they better take cover