A Stable Connection

by R. Cleaves

To the tune of “Rainbow Connection,” performed by Kermit the Frog, written by Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher.


Why are there so many lost instant memos,
And badly downloaded files?
Firewalls configured and ports we must forward
So people can’t see inside?
Online there’s gold if you manage to reach it
Through all of the iPods for free…
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The hackers, the coders and me.

Who said that every ping would be heard and answered
When sent down your cable line?
Somebody 419s, and someone believes it,
Now spam chokes the mail grapevine…
Warcraft expandeth to suck up our bandwidth
So orcs can grow cute little trees,
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The lamerz, the gamers and me…
Cable or ADSL,
I’m sure it’s a marketing hat trick…

Have you been on the verge of scoring a cyber,
Then dropped out and lost your mate?
Have you successfully completed a torrent?
Well neither have I, to date…
I’ve pinged out too many times to ignore it,
Even when on a T3…
Someday we’ll find it, a stable connection,
The flamers, the fanboys and me…

La, da da deee da da daa,
La la la la la dee daa doooooooo…

A Stable Connection

Illustration by J. Andrew World


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